Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
