Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
