shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
