the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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