The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
