this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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