I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize