Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
