If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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