I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize