Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have already put on my inside pants.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
