I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
