I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
