made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
