I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's blow job season.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
