I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
wow bdsm is so cute
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