yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
