you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
