dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
