Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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