you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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