I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You pole danced in your parka.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
