Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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