wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
