If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
