Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
