I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
