I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
high people should be assigned attendants
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
