What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
