Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he fucked my hip out of place.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
