How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize