I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
