a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
