was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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