covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
