well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize