I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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