I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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