Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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