Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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