i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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