I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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