May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
