i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
