Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Less talking, more tequila
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
