Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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