i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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