Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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