drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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