I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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