The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
