So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
too bad you live with your parents still
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
