im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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