he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
