I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
