I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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