I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
