I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
