I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
