Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
