I want to have your abortion
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
