People in love make me want to vomit
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
