So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
