I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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