it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
