Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
