I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
