you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
