I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
