its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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