Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I did not marry a roomba.
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